On Identifying & Navigating Toxic Positivity
It could be Worse … Maybe, but That’s not the point
Most of us have experienced a dose of toxic positivity at one time or another. It tends to happen in the most vulnerable moments when we're feeling down or worried, reach out to a friend or family member for comfort and instead get a message like this: think positive or it could be worse.
If you find experiences like these disheartening, you're not alone. While the person telling you chin-up usually means well, the result can be jarring. It's also possible that the person doling out the advice just isn't comfortable with harder emotions and so their forced silver-lining-attitude is really an attempt at prioritizing their own feelings over your experience.
Forced Silver Linings
In truth, pushing someone to think positively when they are feeling anything but, invalidates their experience. At best it can feel tone deaf and at worst it is a form of gas lighting leaving the person receiving the feedback doubting their own experience.
I'll often hear clients recount stories of sharing their grief or anxiety with someone and being received with "at least you're healthy" or "at least you have a job."
Yes, There’s always Room for Gratitude
In session, I support clients to unpack their experience more thoroughly, as well as relationship dynamics, but for the purposes of this post I'll say that yes, it may be true that someone is healthy and employed and there is plenty of room for gratitude there. At the same time, it may also be true that they are struggling with isolation, grief and worry about so many other aspects of the pandemic. Both can be true and one experience does not nullify the other.
Tips for Dealing with Toxic Positivity
So, what to do when faced with the toxicity? Well, first recognize it for what it is.
Pain, anger, sadness, grief, worry and the like are all part of the human experience. It is normal and healthy to experience these feelings. Please know that.
After noting the dynamic that's taking shape you have the option of either naming it to the other person and making a request OR you can remove yourself from the situation if that feels better to you. The priority is to tend to your emotional injury.
Next, consider seeking healthy support from a source you know to be emotionally safe - whether a family member, community leader or psychotherapist. Reparative experience (i.e. someone who listens, validates and attunes to you) is essential in the emotional healing process.
If you’re need of support please feel free to reach out here! And to learn more about my approach to supporting women and girls you can visit my Web site here.
Till text time, wishing you health and ease,
Jessika
Begin Psychotherapy for Women in California
My approach is holistic and tailored to meet each client’s specific needs. I offer therapy for women and girls in San Diego, Los Angeles and the San Francisco Bay Area. Wherever you are at this moment, I'm in this with you - warm, direct, and transparent in the process. And I love the work I do. Let’s get started!
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Other Services Offered By Jessika Fruchter, LMFT- Therapy For Women And Girls
In addition to providing psychotherapy support for women in California, I also offer online spiritually-integrated psychotherapy, therapy for teen girls, and expressive arts therapy for women and teen girls in California.
Other Services Include:
Groups and Workshops for Women: Magic happens when women come together! I offer new groups and workshops quarterly, both online and in-person. Topics and themes have included:
Therapeutic Writing
Mask Making
Tarot Practice for Developing Intuition
Women’s Circles
Clinical Consultation for Therapists:
I specialize in collaborating with clinicians who want to integrate expressive arts therapy or psychospiritual practices such as tarot therapy, dreamwork, altar making, and ritual, into their practices. I also offer training on these topics. To learn more about my offerings for clinicians visit: www.mycreativepractice.com.
Training for Psychotherapists:
I have a passion for providing creative and useful training to teams on the front line of community mental health. Past training has focused on trauma-informed expressive arts therapy interventions and burnout prevention. Training may also be developed/tailored based on the unique need of the team. Contact me here.
Books and Blogs:
Check out my first book project for teens published in September 2021. For articles and essays about women’s mental health and wellness, check out my blog, Say More where you can also subscribe for the latest updates and posts.
